Get lost and then get found or swallowed in the sea"
-Swallowed in the Sea, Coldplay
People who know me well would probably know that I'm like a cat being thrown into water when it comes to social situations - I dread (fear?) meeting or socialising with people I'm not familiar with. And I'm not very sure if it should be considered a flaw or not because sometimes, I really wish that I was a little more extroverted. Many people have told me that their first impression of me was that I either look fierce, or otherwise. Okay I kinda agree I look quite unfriendly when I'm not smiling I guess HAHA but it's unnatural to be going around smiling at everybody too, right?
It's feels unnatural too, for me to be really coming out of my hermit shell and going out of the way to socialise; I find that I usually have to muster a hell lot of courage to do that. Sometimes I seem to convince myself that it's no big deal but then I end up keeping quiet and having these silent self-reassuring sessions in my head. I guess that's part of the reason why I don't usually open up to people easily -until I'm comfortable enough, half the time I'm just desperately trying to convince myself that it's a challenge worth taking, or to think of something to fill up the silence, to no avail sometimes.
Thinking about it now, I don't think that these are the types of things that need explanations haha but just in case anyone who knows me (and chances upon this space) might think I am an unfriendly, grumpy, kiddy little thing... I'm not!!
I just fear being in social situations ;(